We stand today at the break of the a new year.
tomorrow when we awake
trying to fight the repetitive wake of yesterdays
that a moon's cycle creates
i want the new year to bring change...
hey guys. I've got less than 24 hours of 2008 which means a few things...
1. it is no longer the year of our high school graduation...time to let go of high school
2. i'm given a tangible date to turn over and start new... if that's what i choose
i want to reflect on this past year... the things im proudest of and not so proud of.
Pros/the good of 2008:
1. i started off this year doing the school play...which was something i wanted to do since freshman year but what too intimidated by the theater people at school
2. got over steven
3. started surfing again
4. became close with the bbq crew.. haha. you know who you are
5. participated in Ho'ike
6. did my first poetry teaching gig in Lana'i
7. made the Hawaii 2008 youth speaks team
8. opened up completing to someone new
9. made promises and kept them
10. made it through Hbo filming alive(barely)
10.5. came out to my mother
11. WON 2008 BRAVE NEW VOICES in WASHINGTON DC
12. got on the plane
13. Made the Stanford Spoken word Collective
14. found away to suppress homesickness (take upwards of 18 units and work 25 hours a week...aka stay REALLY busy)
15. Passed all my classes (3.4)
16. opened myself up to new romantic opportunities
Cons/ the bad of 2008:
1. took my first drink of alcohol and tried weed
2. lost song contest... AGAIN
3. taketa...nuf said. lol.
4. finally named a heart breaker...:/
5. 4 ER visits and 1 admittance into kapiolani hospital
6. no more tonsils...mono...girlfriend.
7. hurt my best friend...
8. selfishly held someone back
9. went right back into the closet after going to Stanford
10. fell into depression and did stupid stuff
11. started using "party drugs"
12. cried A LOT
13. hook ups
14. heart break
15. lied to myself.
I'm sure theres more for both list but im tired of thinking. I'm freaking out right now because the new year seems like a perfect time to close a few doors and open the next but im not yet sure if that is the right thing to do and if i can even do it. I'm hurting people. A lot of people and its not right. I'm headed back to stanford in 5 days and im terrified i keep thinking of stanford as this temporary rest stop but it seems so much more permanent than hawaii right now considering how im in California 9 months a year. I'm thinking about trying to leave Hawaii in hawaii this time when i leave but im not quite sure how im supposed to do that. I want to live in the moment more but the moment doens't seem nearly as fulfilling as the past. I no longer no what i want and im not going to pretend i do anymore. i'm a mess and i dont want to start 2009 like this. actually i dont want to start 2009. But time and the change it brings is a part of life and i can't escape that nor should i continue to try. Maybe ill be smarter about my heart and my feelings this time around.
goodbye.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment