6 months out of heartbreaks hold
I met Katie
Not meant to be confused with Caitlin
Who was my best friend
And Ex girlfriend
yes
She makes the territory hazy
Or maybe that was just me
My mistake
Im sorry
But I must say
Im scared again
So I bring up stories
Talk to new prospects about old ones past
You’ve heard the story too many times
Katie
Im sure
You know
I don’t even need to draw lines for you anymore
Im fragile and you can see the cracks from my past
No one can argue with the fact that
I’ve been broken
Far too painfully for it to fit into one nights conversation
So I stretch it and you keep listening
Honestly
I don’t get it
You Listen to my heart crack everytime I try to take a layer of my skin off so you can examine deeper
Im trying to peel for you
The only way I know how to
And I know its painful both ways to hear caitlins name in too casual a conversation
its not fair to you for me to keep this wound open
Maybe I speak
trying to scare you away but you seem to keep coming back
Im confused
And scared
Cuz I find myself wanting for you to be everything I tried but couldn’t be for Caitlin
Everything but
Broken
I Want you to sew these new stitches deep enough into my melonin to make me beautiful for once
Make me smile again
But Im scared to like you
Cuz I know if I can like you
I can love too
And if I love
I know ill hurt too
Even if you don’t want to
You have to know
Its not up to you
Trust me when I say
Sometimes the heart cracks against anyone’s wishes
And you might not even notice
Falling in love can sometimes be like falling apart
And I can make heartbreak so colorful
You’d think that I enjoyed it
think its beautiful to be broken
I promise
I’ve never been this beautiful before
Never did anyone turn a second glance when I was in one piece
A million is far more exotic
Perfection is boring
When perfection means healed and happy
Every eye looks for sorrow
While all the while my heart only looks for a tomorrow bright enough to see a future
Im sorry
I’m pessimistic and realistic about loves prospect based off past experience
I am everything I hate about those who have been hurt
I
Am
Cautious
And you seem too beautiful to be anything but reckless
And im scared
Yes
Ill say it again
Katie
You are not what I expected
And I don’t want to be hurt again by someone too beautiful to notice
And I know
You are different
I’ve heard it
But so was Caitlin
She was nothing like steven
And still
At the end I was hurt
And I don’t want you to be next
So here is what I need
I don’t want to be rushed
But I need to be pushed
Or else ill just stay stagnant
In heartbreak steel net
Waiting for another wave of courage that’ll never come to wash me back to shore
Where I can stand
I need something solid
A rock that beats Like a metronome to keep me in check
Keeps me swimming forward
Or at least keep me flouting to the surface
I need rebound that doesn’t bounce
a board that doesn’t repel
rather One that sticks
I need a magnet
Opposite
Someone who is everything I am not and cant be at the moment
Strong
Sure
Beautiful
And careful
Can you be my positive?
And I’ll stand here
Trying my best not to be negative about this situation
Try to be slow about physics pull between us
Cuz we both know that science is bullshit
and no heart flutters to the beat that can be calculated
But maybe with enough time we can calculate the distance between beats to find a space between to rest in
If even just for a moment
Find time to be whole
Mend cracks and admire the scars of history
And realize we learned from them
Can you be my rock?
Can you be my friend?
Could you possibly be
my
positive?
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